Forward Momentum
by tetsia.howard
Summary: A birthday fic for the lovely SkyGem! When Gokudera's past finally catches up to him, will he be able to open up to his family? Kinda AU. Rated T for suggestive themes and Haya-kun's language.


AN: This is for the lovely SkyGem for her birthday! I told you I'd do an All59 fluff fic! Reviews are always love. ^.^

Everyone has things in their past that are hurtful, embarrassing, or sad. Dwelling on the past never does any good… life is about moving forward. Hayato Gokudera knew that better than anyone else. His past was a thing shrouded in mystery.

Before becoming 'Smokin' Bomb Hayato', he was a drug runner, a look out, and when times were lean, a whore. He had used his small, lithe body to his advantage in his earliest assassinations as well. He knew his position as Tsuna's right-hand would be in jeopardy if anyone found out, so he locked it all away; refusing to even think about it, much less tell Juudaime or any of the bastards that flocked around him.

Of course, with his wonderful luck, he should have known better…

Tsuna's family had been invited by Dino Cavallone to spend the summer in Italy with him. He wanted to take them around Milan and let them get used to the Italian culture before they moved up their officially. Surrounded by his subordinates and the people he cared for, Dino had been a warm and charming host, even going so far as to convince Hibari to spend time with them, much to Tsuna's amazement. The prefect even seemed to be… enjoying himself.

So, two weeks into their vacation, they found themselves walking about downtown Milan, buying souvenirs for friends and family at home and taking in the large variety of people and food and street vendors. Lambo was, of course, bouncing around like a squirrel on crack, demanding his Tsuna-nii buy him everything he saw. Something caught his (short) attention span and the child was off again, zooming around a corner.

"HIE! Lambo! Get back here!" Tsuna's slightly panicked voice caught Hayato's attention.

"I'll get him, Juudaime. Just stay put!" The Storm Guardian took off after the Lightning, ready to punt him into next week for bothering Tsuna with his bullshit. When he rounded the corner, though, he was met with a sight that made him almost as sick as his sister. The seven year old was standing in front of an older man that looked disturbingly familiar to the explosives expert. Dark brown hair still waving in front of his face, though now it was shot with white here and there, and icy black eyes that had always reminded him of the demonic UMAs he'd read about stared down at Lambo hungrily. He held out a bag of sweets, trying to coax the kid closer. Hayato knew Lambo's greedy nature, and his apparent lack of survival skills, and the sight made him go cold all over.

Before he realized what he was doing, his dynamite was in his hands. "Ahoshi! Get over here!"

Normally, Lambo's natural reaction would be to do the exact opposite of what Bakadera said, but a latent, little used survival instinct coupled with the oddly serious tone in the bomber's voice made him turn away from the promise of candy and run back to his 'older brother'.

"Get back to Juudaime, idiot cow." With a frightened glance back at the man who had completely unnerved the Storm, Lambo took off running, yelling for Tsuna-nii as he ran. As soon as he was around the corner and safe, Hayato turned back to face his past.

"Still trolling alleyways for kids, Gregor?" He switched easily to Italian, glaring at the older man.

"Mm, they're best fresh off the streets, Hayato. Care to go a few rounds for old times'- sake?" Gregor licked his lips, staring lustfully at the silverette. "You've grown up… nicely. I'm sure I could come up with some cash."

"I don't think so." Hayato had opened his mouth, but it was Yamamoto's voice that rang through the alley. Hayato glanced to the side as the baseball freak stepped up next to him, his metal bat resting on his shoulder. The bomber hadn't seen that serious glint in his eyes since the battles with Byakuran.

He was about to speak, about to warn the yakyuubaka away, when another voice was heard. "Kufufu… what have we here?"

"Looks like someone who needs an EXTREME ass-kicking!"

"Leave Bakadera alone!"

"Hai, it would really be best for you to leave…" Tsuna's voice was calm, but Hayato could hear the disgust in it. He wanted to run to him and apologize, but he couldn't make his feet move.

"No, bossu. I think he should stay." Chrome's soft voice was full of venom, and Hayato could hear the sof 'chink' of the prefect bastard's tonfas.

"Hn, the herbivore is right. You're disrupting my day. For attacking a child, and being a pervert, I'll bite you to death."

Gregor looked stupefied for a moment before suddenly turning tail and scrambling down the alleyway. If Hayato hadn't been so mortified and upset, he probably would have laughed at how fast the fat old pervert could move, especially with both the bloodthirsty prefect and the pineapple bastard in hot pursuit. As they disappeared from view, Hayato closed his eyes and replaced his dynamite slowly. He couldn't bring himself to turn around, couldn't force himself to face the pity in their faces. He knew, he just knew that Juudaime was going to dismiss him… he was a disgrace. Dirty, filthy, unworthy…

"Gokudera?" That stupid baseball freak… did he have to sound so nice?

"Oi, Squidhead! Are you EXTREMELY OK?!" No, turftop… shut up and let Juudaime talk.

A soft hand in his made his eyes fly open, turning slightly to look at the smaller Mist. "Storm-man, he's gone. You're safe now."

Safe? Did they think… he wasn't afraid… Even as his mind stuttered over excuses, he squeezed her hand gently. His boss was still silent, and Hayato realized he'd have to face him eventually. Maybe Juudaime would let him down gently; they had been friends for a while now.

What he saw when he turned made him almost choke on his tongue. The brunette had Lambo in his arms and was staring at the Storm with tears in his large caramel eyes.

"Gokudera-kun, are you all right?"

He couldn't have heard that properly. He still wanted to fall to his knees, to beg forgiveness for being so unworthy. "… Juudaime…"

The small hand in his kept him was steadying, but the calloused paw on his shoulder broke something inside him that he wasn't even aware he was still carrying. He gulped harshly, fighting back the tears of disgust and disgrace. His voice was thick, nowhere close to its normal harshness. "D-don't touch me, baseball idiot…"

Juudaime didn't move… he could still see him standing in front of him. So why did he feel… safe, suddenly? Glancing down, he saw the idiot's arms around him, pulling him back into the broad chest. He whipped his head up to stare at him and saw the anger in Yamamoto's eyes. He was so confused… was he holding him still so they could hurt him?! That… didn't make sense, but… "Y-yakyuubaka…?"

"Stop pushing us away, Squidhead. It's getting EXTREMELY old." The turftop didn't look mad… just sad, which was an odd expression for his face.

"Gokudera-kun, how did you know that man?" Juudaime's voice whipped his head back to his boss and he flinched, not quite struggling in Yamamoto's grasp. Why wasn't he fighting him off? What….

"Storm-man. Relax. You're still safe." Chrome stepped forward and slid her arms around his waist, under Yamamoto's. He was trapped! No… he didn't feel trapped, he felt safe. Again. But… he wasn't. They were just going to turn him away… A whimper slipped from his lips, embarrassing but true as his body sagged between them.

"Oi, Squidhead!" Suddenly, Ryohei's hand was on his arm and the Rain, Sun, and Mist lowered him to the ground gently. Tsuna walked over, setting Lambo down and kneeling in front of him.

"Gokudera-kun, are you hurt?" He rested a hand on the bomber's cheek, soothing and soft. It was almost enough to undo the silverette as he stared up at the only person who'd never turned him away or hurt him. He just shook his head, afraid of what would spill from his mouth if he spoke.

"You never answered my question. How did you know that awful man?" Tsuna reached back, pulling Lambo over to him as if afraid the ahoshi would get lost again. Juudaime thought he was awful… did that make Gokudera awful too? If he knew… but he'd asked a question. It's not like he could ignore it…

"He… I… before I came to Namimori, Juudaime… that's when I met him…" His voice was almost a whisper, trembling, so very, very afraid…

"We're going back to Dino's, minna. Chrome-chan, please let Mukuro and Hibari-san know. Yamamoto?"

Tsuna stood and suddenly Gokudera's world upended… He was draped across the baseball idiot's back and they were all headed back towards a waiting limo. "P-put me down, idiot."

"No."

Gokudera spluttered a bit, but when he tried to struggle, he got a smack in the back… from Chrome, of all people. "You'll fall, Storm-man. Stay put and hush." Her quiet voice was almost stern and he stopped, staring down at her. Was she mad at him too? Could she GET mad? Did he care?

The totally truthful answer was yes… he cared, a lot more than he should. He should be there for Juudaime, not these idiots… but her hand on his back, soothing the spot she'd just swatted felt really nice. And the turftop on the other side of him; not touching but there to steady him or the idiot baseball player… And what was up with that?! Yamamoto knew damned well he could walk; he'd been the first person there. He knew he wasn't hurt, so… why in the world was he carrying him so stubbornly? Damned meatheads…

They followed Tsuna and quickly got into the limo, arranging themselves around Gokudera so he had no place to run to. Like they were afraid he was going to get away… the bomber felt like a convict. The mafia world was often kill or be killed… was this finally his time? If it came from his Juudaime, he'd accept it… His eyes slid closed, defeated and resigned at last to his fate.

He never saw the worry and fear in their eyes as they watched him, waiting for him to make a mad leap from the car. He'd gone through so many emotions in the last ten minutes, none of them knew what he was thinking, or planning. Tsuna exchanged looks with Yamamoto, who simply shrugged.

The car ride was silent, and when they arrived at Dino's mansion, Mukuro was waiting for them on the front step. He stood as everyone stepped out of the car, Chrome's hand in Gokudera's again. "I warned the Cavallone to disappear for a while… we don't need him right now." He looked over Gokudera before turning back to Tsuna. "The Skylark is inside, waiting."

Waiting… he was waiting. Would he finally get to bite him to death? It would be an honorable way to go… He heard Tsuna's voice break through his rumination. "Hai, thank you, Mukuro. Let's go."

Gokudera didn't pay attention to where they were going; he let the soft pull of Chrome's hand lead him to his judgment. At least they weren't carrying him this time.

Tsuna led them all into the opulent guest suite that Dino had provided him, nodding once to Hibari. "I trust all went well?" Gokudera shivered at Tsuna's 'boss' voice… he was so proud to call him boss… he didn't really want that to end…

"Hn… he won't be bothering anyone. Ever again."

Tsuna's eyes widened a bit. "Hibari-san, you didn't…"

"Kufufu… no, HE didn't… we did." Mukuro's normally mischievous voice was icy cold. "Trust me, Tsunayoshi-kun… he deserved much worse than what we did to him."

The Vongola Decimo took a deep breath, glanced at Lambo and Gokudera who were both unusually quiet, and nodded. "I think I'd like some answers now, Gokudera-kun. Real answers, if you please."

The bomber took a deep breath, twisting his rings around on his fingers. "What do you want to know, Juudaime?" Please… not everything. Please…

"How about you start at the beginning and bring us up to date?"

Gokudera sighs softly, looking around the room.

"Don't even think about it, Gokudera, none of us are leaving." The baseball idiot still sounds irritated, which is never a good thing.

"Fine…" He took a deep breath and launched into a very, very shortened version of his past, starting from the death of the woman he didn't know was his mother. He respected Juudaime enough to tell him the truth, even if he couldn't bring himself to meet his eyes as he spoke of sleeping with men for money, or killing them afterwards if there was a contract out on them.

Tsuna watched his Storm was eyes as dispassionate as he could make them. Gokudera never once looked up at him, so he couldn't see him wince as the bomber's voice took on a cold tone, telling the story as if it had happened to someone else. A quick glance around the room showed everyone else listening quite intently; even Hibari was leaning forward, abandoning his normal aloof attitude and paying attention.

"… and then Reborn called me to Namimori… and you know the rest." He stares down at his hands, waiting for judgment. Waiting for Tsuna to tell him to get out, or to tell Hibari and Mukuro to deal with him too…. He was awful, wasn't he?

Tsuna took a deep breath, trying to blink back the tears in his eyes. He knew that Gokudera hadn't had an easy life, but… wow. As he opened his mouth to speak, Yamamoto, Chrome and Lambo all moved at the same time and suddenly, the Storm was covered in hugging people.

The bomber, who'd been expecting death or worse, got the wind knocked out of him as Lambo slammed into his stomach, Chrome latched herself around his chest, and Yamamoto glomped him from behind. Wh-what were they…? "Tch, get off before…. Before something bad happens!" He was actually panicking, waiting for Hibari to hurt them to get to him. He knew Mukuro wouldn't hurt Chrome, but… "Get offa me!"

"No." It was Tsuna's voice this time, countermanding him. He blinked through the people around him to meet his boss's eyes. "No, Gokudera-kun… It really is time for you to stop hiding from your family. I can understand you not wanting to talk about stuff like this all the time… but don't you think ONE of us should have known?"

"That's right! We're an EXTREME family, Squidhead! Why didn't you tell us?"

Mukuro's soft voice carried over the noise. "Because, if what I saw today was any indication, the things he's gone through are traumatizing and not exactly table-talk." The illusionist looked over at Tsuna. "Let it go, Tsunayoshi-kun. Scum like that… he deserved worse." Hibari's soft 'hn' of agreement startled everyone.

"Do you mean it, pi – Mukuro? Is… is he really dead?" Gokudera couldn't keep the hopeful, pleading tone out of his voice.

"Kufufu, dead and worse, puppy. He won't be hurting anyone else. Ever."

Gokudera drew in a shaky breath and started laughing. He threw his head back and laughed, loudly, almost maniacally. No one could say exactly when the laughter turned into tears, but between one breath and the next, the bomber's shoulders were bowed and he was sobbing into his hands.

Tsuna moved forward and pulled him into his arms, rubbing his back gently. Yamamoto stroked his hair, light flashes of blue showing as he used his flames to calm the silverette. The other guardians surrounded him, Mukuro on one side and Hibari on the other, silent defenders as the softer of their family soothed and comforted the grieving Storm.

It was a long time before Gokudera calmed, head buried in Tsuna's shoulders as he drew shaky breaths. "Th-thank you… I'm sorry."

"Don't be sorry, Gokudera-kun… just be family, ok?" Tsuna stroked his back as he felt his right-hand man and best friend nod into his neck. He knew it wouldn't be easy… but just maybe the bomber would be willing to come to one of them from now on, instead of doing everything by himself.


End file.
